Notes On: Revelations and Peaches
It's me! Calling from beyond the gram...(dial tone)
It’s been a month since I logged out of Instagram, my social media drug of choice. I’ve been using and have allowed myself to be used by it since 2012.
Sure, sure, anyone half-awake is trying a bit of internet restriction or technology celibacy these days. It’s not a novel idea. It’s not groundbreaking or Nobel Peace Prize worthy.
But it’s been a revelation!
Not in the way you might hear influencers blathering on about (right before they sell you the next way to scale your business or make passive income)—but it’s been special in a way that is quiet, personal, and therefore, fully embodied.
I didn’t feel the urge to call out the evils or dangers of technology (while, ironically, using an online platform). I didn’t feel the urge to elaborate on neuroscience or make a long-winded post about my decision. I could not care less about converting other people to my cause. I didn’t set a goal of how many days I would abstain.
That’s how I knew this time would be different.
Because all I knew was that every single time I opened up the app … I made the same face. It’s the one I make when someone tries to tell me a load of bullshit.
Yet, I kept opening it.
Kept getting frustrated by what I was seeing. Kept getting sidetracked and knocked off track by the latest opinion in the reading community. Kept getting sick…of myself. For staying.
I couldn’t even get myself to share my heart and life authentically like the good old days because I was stuck in a loop, a loop I felt like an imposter in, no less!
I’ve been nice. I’ve been agreeable. I’ve been available and present and approachable all while scrolling and thinking, bullshit, bullshit, bullshit (in a British accent because it makes it more fun).
But I felt (wait for it) in the loop, and that was more comfortable to me than being out of the loop.
(I would like the record to show that I just made this connection in real time, and this is why I love stream of consciousness writing!)
The problem wasn’t the app, it wasn't the echo chamber, it wasn’t anyone else. The problem was how much I allowed myself to become a spectator online underneath the very, very, sneaky (and insidious) guise of “being informed.”
Bullshit, Nikki.
“I've never seen any life transformation that didn't begin with the person in question finally getting tired of their own bullshit.” ―Elizabeth Gilbert, Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear
All I wanted to share with you is this…I am at peace.
I’m not sure whether I’ve ever felt at peace about a decision, in my entire life. Motivated, sure. Scared, absolutely. Coerced, definitely lol.
But perhaps, this is the reward for taking my Saturn Return seriously. Perhaps, responsibility and maturity look and feel a lot less like restriction, and more like peace.
Will I go back to Instagram? Maybe. One day, when that void the app left in my life is fully, and I mean FULLY, certified and curated by Nikki Lang.
Have you tried to know yourself this intimately? To choose a book without someone raving about it? To plan a meal without a viral video on it? To trade being in the loop for…honesty?
Please let me know (I respond to most emails, especially now!)
Now, for a little weekly anchor.
I’ve had this desire to connect with my friends online in a nice and slow way since waving goodbye to IG I but couldn’t figure out the right moment to break the ice again.
It seems, today is the day!
Welcome to the WEEKLY REPORT. This is where I get to share the 100% Curated by Nikki Lang seal of approval with you.
I hope that I can open your eyes to something new each week and also expel a bit of this pent-up passionate energy that’s been percolating inside me for a month. Believe it or not, my four-year-old just does not have the same interests as I do…wild, I know!
(Actually, she’s so invested in my life, which is also why I love being off IG. She notices. Trust me.)
What I’m READING this week:
A REAPER AT THE GATES by Sabaa Tahir
I am on the third book of AN EMBER IN THE ASHES series by Sabaa Tahir and my friends…my friends…it is SO intense. I absolutely love this series and will buy it for my daughter’s library. That is my highest seal of approval.
Sabaa is a scorpio (expect her to shine a light on the darkness instead of waltzing around it poetically!) and a master storyteller (the culture is so rich in this series, such a breath of fresh air).
It took her nine years to write the first book in the series, and I hold so much respect and admiration for her.
What I’m EATING this week:
After we went to Las Vegas for my 7th wedding anniversary, I looked at my husband and said, “Hey, guess what? We aren’t eating ANY restaurant food in June. None. We’re done.”
So I’m eating a lot—and cleaning a lot, lol. But we are on day 10 of all homemade meals, and we’ve never felt better (our bank account also loves us).
What I’m PLAYING this week:
I’m currently re-writing my SATURN fantasy (from third person to first, does that sound familiar? Lol, I am indeed a person who learns the hard way) and this song will make my most played of 2025 by a long shot.
My friend Catie likes to sign off our voice notes by saying, “go enjoy your emo music!” because she caught a few notes from my very, very, emotional playlist the other day. The sun will be shining, the coffee will be flowing, and yet I still need this vibe to write haha.
What I’m OBSESSING over this week:
My writing “voice”.
Sounds a bit narcissistic or cognitively over-indulgent, but by jove! I took a writing course with Sabaa Tahir on cultivating our unique writing style and voice, and I am so inspired.
“Your authorial or writing voice is the distinctive way you tell a story. It encompasses your tone, rhythm, word choice, and perspective. It’s what makes your work unmistakably yours. If you’ve ever read a book and recognized the author’s hand before seeing their name on the cover, that’s a strong voice in action.”
A question asked in the course made me laugh (and shudder): “What would your loved ones complain about most when it comes to your communication style?”
I wanted to laugh (and then cry) because many people in my life would admit that I am an evasive communicator tucked inside a polite demeanor. I prefer to coat hard truths with shiny words and empathy. I habitually chew on all sides of a conversation, or self-edit mid-sentence.
But those who know me best know that I can be explosive, sometimes combative, and when at the end of my rope—quite fucking hilarious.
How can I bridge the gap between those? How can I become an author recognizable by one or two sentences? Not for notoriety’s sake, but for the pleasure and success of knowing my voice SO well, that it bleeds and pumps through everything I create.
Kind of like those videos where people are blindfolded and can tell the difference between a can of Coke vs. a McDonald's one.
Jessa Hastings comes to mind.
My friend and editor calls her writing, “sticky” and that’s the perfect description, in my opinion.
This introspective work (and very literal work, as I practice writing most days) is helping me release the sneaky desire to be “liked” and instead harness what being “impactful” feels like. When my hands are sticky because my daughter’s hands are always sticky, it makes an impact, lol.
Fuck the loops. I want to stick with people.
What I’m RECOMMENDING this week:
Tell an uncomfortable truth to your family member. One that has been dressed up or shared in a group chat with everyone but that person.
Oh, you thought I was going to recommend my favorite face mask or drapes from Pottery Barn?
“The truth, as you feel it, deserves the dignity of directness.”
I’ve repeated this to myself over and over again this month, and it’s made my life so much cleaner and my relationships richer.
Maybe the person you need to offer the truth to, is yourself:
“It invites you to live inside your truth, not to shout it, but to stop muting it. To recognize that clarity is less about volume, and more about whether the voice inside your mind is finally telling the truth.”
Sentiments from Typewriter Astrology, who I cannot recommend enough!
What I’m TREATING myself to this week:
I am cackling as I type this because my husband explicitly said, “let’s wait to buy more hydrangeas until these are planted” but I HAVE A VISION!
So I am treating myself to three more bushes of endless summer hydrangea’s in blue and purple. Driving around my neighborhood, I was so shocked to see the lack of originality and color around the lamp posts and front garden beds.
THE WORLD DOES NOT NEED ANOTHER SUBURBAN ROUND NAMELESS BUSH lining a walkway.
It needs life, color, and bees! It requires softness and tending and heritage.
My mom planted peonies at my childhood home, and they remained there for almost twenty-five years. I want that. I want a yard that is part legacy.
It just so happens that I chose hydrangeas, and I’m sticking with them because, who knows. Maybe spirit moved me, or perhaps it was Martha Stewart. Either way, I’m in love and have no plans of slowing down.
Now it is time for me to head out and do GINGER TEA 2.0 on RANGE by Kara Duval (one of the few souls I miss seeing on a feed)
Her pilates classes are more than movement, they are so nourishing and a big spiral breath of fresh air on days I need it most. I’ve never felt stronger and more connected to my body.
I would add a few photos from life here but guess what? I hardly know where my phone is these days!
So for now, I want to say that my heart is filled, filled, FILLED, to be back in your sphere again.
Thank you for always leaving a seat in your inbox open for me.
NIKKI LANG (:
If I could love this one million times, I would. You are a balm for the soul.
I love hearing from you my friend and happy to hear all is well ♥️